Top 5 Tips – How To Not Get Nervous On Dates
One thing that is very common on dates is to get flustered when it comes to having a fluid conversation.
It can be very intimidating thinking about sitting with an attractive woman you don’t know for an hour or longer and maintaining a calm and chilled out demeanor.
When I get nervous, I tend to speak quicker and stumble on my words a bit.
One strategy I started implementing that helped tremendously was forcing myself to talk slower.
Not only does it eat up a significantly greater amount of time speaking slowly, but it makes you appear more calm and cool, and it also allows you to process your thoughts into coherent sentences FAR better.
Try it yourself.
Pretend your sitting beside a gorgeous women and say “How was your weekend” super fast.
It comes across as panicked, nervous, anxious, uncool, and inexperienced.
Now, pretend your sitting beside a gorgeous women and say “How was your weekend” much slower.
You will notice that it now sounds much smoother, cooler, calm and collected, and like a guy who has actually been on a date before.
This is the way you want to come across on dates.
Do not aim to “be cool”, instead, aim to be calm, and then the “being cool” thing will simply fall into place alongside that.
Sit Beside Her Instead Of Across From Her
This tip helps on a variety of levels.
Firstly, sitting across from each other on a date prevents you from being able to touch the girl at all, which will greatly reduce your chances of getting physical.
One of the main keys to success on any date is getting physical as early as possible.
Whether that be a friendly hug when you first meet her, teasing gestures throughout the date, putting your hand on her thigh, holding her hand, putting your arm around her, squeezing her bicep while you make a joke about working out, whatever it is, you need to do this early and often.
Think about it this way, if you go on a date and sit across from a girl for an hour talking about life, and then you walk her to her car after to kiss her goodnight, you haven’t touched her once the entire date and now you have to awkwardly break through this tension that has built up over the entire date.
On the other hand, you’ve been physical the whole date, holding her hand, having your arm around her, etc. and now you’re walking her back to her car, and the kiss isn’t just way less awkward, it is now essentially expected, and there is no big feeling of unease between either of you.
Basically, if you don’t touch the girl for an entire hour and then try and kiss her goodnight or bring her home with you to have sex, I guarantee it will be far more awkward and have a higher chance of not being successful than if you had been making contact throughout the date.
Also, sitting across from a girl with a big table between you just feels impersonal and like you are interviewing her.
If you feel weird about sitting beside her right away, I suggest you have a pre-planned strategy in place as an excuse to move to sit beside her.
An example of this is I used to have a picture on my phone of something funny that I would typically talk about on dates, and once that topic came up in the date I would say “here I’ll show you something on my phone” and then I’d get up and sit right beside her to show her.
From that point on I would stay right beside her and start being more physical with my flirting.
Do An Activity For The Date
This tip is great for guys who are very inexperienced conversationalists and have a difficult time maintaining a fluid conversation.
Honestly, I’m not a huge fan of spending a bunch of money on the first date, as it is absolutely nonsensical to continuously take girls out for fancy dinners on first dates when only a fraction of those will convert into sexual partners, and a far smaller fraction of those will convert into long-term partners.
My typical first date is going to a nice bar and getting 1 drink and having a conversation getting to know each other for about an hour, or going for a walk at a place with nice scenery like the beach, sea wall, or a park.
These are both super cheap (or free) and will give you the same result as an “activity date” if you can hold a decent conversation and touch early and often.
However, “activity dates” despite being more expensive, afford you the opportunity to have more of an excuse to touch, and more of an excuse to not speak without it being awkward.
Some examples of great “activity dates” are bowling, playing pool, mini-golf, or anything that doesn’t involve you sitting stationary where you have to rely entirely on your conversation and non-verbal flirting (your game).
Bowling for example gives you the opportunity to constantly give high fives, and give other flirty gestures that you wouldn’t otherwise be able to do in a verbal dominated setting like getting a drink at a bar.
It also doesn’t require you to rely so heavily on your conversation skills because you will be bowling the entire date, laughing, and having fun together.
Phenibut is bar none the greatest pro-social supplement ever created in my opinion.
For some individuals, Phenibut can literally completely destroy your social inhibitions just like alcohol would, all without the sloppy loss of motor skills and other negative side effects that come from a night of drinking.
It’s a pretty remarkable supplement to say the least, and it has been a huge part of my life (especially my dating life) for the past 5 years.
I don’t drink or rely on recreational drugs as a crutch at all for anxiety relief as they can impair motor functions and make you very sloppy.
Instead, if needed, I use Phenibut, which affects the same GABA receptors that alcohol does which result in a decrease in anxiety and social inhibitions, but without the negative side effects that come along with alcohol.
Benefits of Phenibut:
– Kills social anxiety as well as general anxiety
– Increases social freedom and the desire to socialize
– Decreases stress
– Can drastically improve your mood
– Produces slight to moderate euphoria
– Increases sense of well-being
– Increases levels of relaxation
– Increases levels of focus and motivation
– Enhances cognitive function
– Music sounds amazing on Phenibut
– Very deep levels of sleep (Phenibut can act as a very potent sleep aid at a high enough dose)
– No loss of motor function like with alcohol
– Improved sexual performance and increased libido (women especially)
I have been personally using Phenibut for years now (since late 2012) and it has been a HUGE help in allowing me to bust through social plateaus, build an amazing dating/sex life, kill it in job interviews and nerve wracking business presentations, among countless other benefits.
It is a fantastic supplement to use before a date to ease your nerves, chill you out, and get you in the right mindset.
I’ve used Phenibut from over 10 different companies now, and the best experience I have had is with Happy Hippo’s Phenibut.
It is pure, has no fillers at all, and most importantly it works consistently batch to batch since the day they opened up shop 4 years ago.
Go On More Dates (Exposure Therapy)
The number one way to stop being afraid of something is via exposure therapy.
A LOT of it.
This is arguably the best tip there is, but I promise you if you start going on lots of dates, you will notice that your nerves will drastically go down, and eventually disappear completely.
Eventually, you will realize there is nothing to fear, and you will be so used to going on dates that they will no longer be a big deal to you.
Stop focusing so much on the outcome of them, and just go on the dates knowing that each date you go on is getting you one step closer to crushing your fears and molding you into a better version of yourself.
If you do this a lot, eventually you will notice that you are completely outcome independent because you have so much experience, are not nervous whatsoever, and know that if it doesn’t work out with this girl there are millions of others you can still meet.
Once you reach this level of complete outcome independence you will notice that your results start skyrocketing, as it will be reflected in your overall demeanor and the way you come across to women.